for a family reunion this weekend.

this is the first time we’ll be spending a night apart (two nights, three days) since the day before we moved in together.

i feel super pathetic right now but all i want to do is curl up on the bed with the cats and watch psych until she gets back because i don’t really know what to do with myself.

she invited sarah and i out to dinner after the show last night, and we went, made friends with everyone else there, and ended up hanging out with them all night at one of their places.

making friends as an adult is hard (especially when you don’t often go out to drink), and it’s rare to make immediate friends with an entire GROUP of people, who adore both you andyour companion, so i kind of feel like we just won the lottery. the friend lottery.

and just made me a mix! the first mix she made me (last year) is my most listened to mix (that someone else has given me) EVER. i can’t wait to listen to this one <3

• mint julep face masks

• hair curlers

• absolut apeach & pineapple soda cocktails

• Crybaby

• nail painting

• pillow fight?

• silly pajamas

i love it when i try to be a good person, and i get punished for it.

whether it’s the side of my subwoofer, reusable grocery bags that have been left on the floor, a bundle of telephone and cable wire on the dining room table, or the side of sarah’s laundry basket. i thought they were getting better after the move, but they seem to be getting worse. i have a pheromone thing (it’s like a glade plug-in) that’s supposed to keep them calm and stop them from peeing on stuff, but it’s obviously not doing anything to help. does anyone have any suggestions?

so why did we pay them $76 so we could move in on sunday? assholes…

so i’m taking an unofficial tumblr hiatus. i haven’t been on much for the last couple days, and i won’t be on much until i’m done with the move (which officially happens next sunday) so it’ll be quiet around here for a bit.

also, anyone in the chicago area who wants to see the play (which opens next weekend), you can get tickets here. it’s going to be really good.

<3

the Chicago Waldorf School facebook page just uploaded this picture from when i attended their high school my junior year (which makes me about 17 in this picture). i kind of wish i had more pictures from this time in my life, but i think i threw them away after my suicide attempt. i guess that, at the time, i wanted to erase who i was, so it makes sense that i would have disposed of them.

it’s odd to see myself looking so happy less than a year before i tried to kill myself, though. when i think back, i remember being miserable 97% of the time…which means that nearly any time i appeared happy, i was faking it.

p.s. that’s me on the right with the collar necklace.

the best. ever.

no arguing. you didn’t get to taste them, so how would you know?

i mean, not literally. i’m not a violent person. i just don’t get people.

reading sara’s very frequent and eloquent posts (even when they’re about ridiculous topics, that woman still manages to sound 100% literary genius) has been inspiring me in a lot of ways. it’s also making my brain run even faster than usual, so i have words pouring out of my fucking fingers.

i want to ride my bike to the moon or go get a new tattoo (something beautiful and painful) or wrestle with a giant dog until we collapse in the sunlight in someone’s front yard.

i want to have passionate sex on the roof of a building where no one can see us but we can see everyone and i think that, in that moment, i might understand people a little better.

i have so much love and so much passion and so much empathy but so little understanding. it’s confusing and heartbreaking and i hope it doesn’t stop but transforms, mutates into something less heartbreaking and more comforting.

and all of my plans for productivity have gone out the window.

i have never so badly wanted pain medication (because i have never wanted pain medication) but this is nearing unbearable levels of discomfort.