it feels like a face-hugger accidentally shot an alien egg down my esophagus because it missed my trachea.
i’m trying to drown out the pain by listening to records as loud as seems reasonable on a sunday night in an apartment with downstairs neighbors.
someone come take care of me. sarah’s at her parents’ and my cats aren’t good at making tea.
and she closed with “genesis”
sarah was leaning against a wall for the duration of the concert while i stood in front of her. during the last song, i inched backward and she clutched my waist with her hands.
i swear i was floating.
buzzing fluorescent lights and insects coupled with the sweet pluck of harp strings.
working on this play is really getting to me…it doesn’t help that i’m exhausted and sick, but the sound design/score i’ve developed is so intense that i find myself imagining that i’m a part of that world (as i’m sure the actors do, thus making it effective).
i cry every night at rehearsal; three times. three different scenes that strike their own unique chords, all of which resonate in the particular chamber of my heart that seems to trigger tears.
i wish you could all come see this play. if you live in chicago (or will be here during october) please do. it’s called “Ruby Wilder” and it’s truly beautiful. i will be there, running sound almost every night it’s showing.
it has been eight years and i am so thankful every day that i am still here and so full of love. thank you to everyone who has supported me and shown me love, even in the smallest of ways.
love,
maxwell
awesome:
• listening to my cats snoring on either side of me on the couch right now
• watching TNG until i’m tired enough to go back to bed (and realizing this episode, S04E05 - Remember me, totally inspired one of my favourite episodes of Eureka, S02E04 - Games People Play)
not awesome:
• sarah being asleep in bed, without me, because i can’t sleep
• can’t stop having bad dreams/waking bad “dreams” about courtney
• i’ve been sick/plagued with horrible allergies for over a week, now
and didn’t just need a new power supply.
the plus side is that i got it working enough (despite the strobing video that’s making me want to vomit) to copy all of its files onto my external hard drive.
the shitty part is that i need to spend $170 to replace it.
while i was driving back from having lunch with my mom today.
my immediate reaction was almost vomiting.
my secondary reaction was wanting to make a u-turn and throw something at her from my car and screaming “fuck you for everything you put me through for all those years.”
the only thing making me feel better right now is listening to Pisces Iscariot by The Smashing Pumpkins and feeling like i’m 10 years old again, listening to the only CD i own over and over on my shitty boom box.
so i went to best buy and got a new power adapter for my laptop, but realized i had gotten the wrong one once i got home, so i had to go back out to best buy to get the right one.
i also replaced the modem (and didn’t even have to call comcast to activate it…they have an automated web page), but our router is fucked.
the PS3 is back in business, my WDTV just needs a new 12v 2A power supply, and my sub sounds like it just has a blown capacitor. but my modem and laptop power supply both need to be replaced. so it’s not as bad as it could have been.
my PS3 and my WDTV (the hard drive i have hooked up to my tv with all of my downloaded shows/movies on it) won’t power up either. there’s another $300+ worth of dead electronics.
that didn’t seem to knock out our power, but it did:
• kill my modem (which i own, i don’t lease from my ISP)
• fry my laptop power supply
• fuck up my subwoofer (might be repairable)
• slightly mess up my alarm clock (everything seems to work but the display illumination)
• scare the hell out of me, because i was asleep
not a good way to start the day.
(comprised mostly of small children and their thirty-something parents) and they are playing the worst club music EVER as loud as they possibly can. we have our windows closed in our third floor apartment and it still sounds like we’re inside the trashiest of trashy clubs.
